Wednesday, April 28, 2010

***

Have you ever wondered about how little you know about your own parents?
Have you ever wondered if someone's thinking about you?
Have you ever wondered if both of your thumbs are really different sizes?
Have you ever wondered if that person that you just passed in the hallway could mean everything to you a year from now?

...maybe it's just me.

***

"I really wish that my life would become more interesting.
Each and every day I awake from my state of oblivion. I drone on, half-conscious, my happy face plastered on. Never fully satisfied. A tickling, hollow sensation occasionally tugs at my chest. It's interesting. It's confusing. It's hungry. I don't think I want it there.
I usually then slip again into unconsciousness, to be occasionally graced with things that aren't there.
So many times I want to break down. Tear my hair out. Leave. Find a purpose. And I really don't know why I don't.
I sometimes try words. But then I just look back and want to tear them apart. I angrily throw the torn, stray letters and fragments back into the dictionary where they belong.
I sometimes try to leave. But I always come back, panting, red, unmotivated.
I’ve tried the worst of the worst. But of course that only made everything worse."

I wrote this over a month ago. Thank god I got over that whiny phase.

***

"DISRESPECT YOUR SURROUNDINGS"

***


When I was little, I was always convinced that God looked just like George Washington.

***

If I could live anywhere I wanted to at all, I think that it just might be the easiest decision to make. I would dismiss the mansions and villas in exotic places and treetop abodes and tropical underwater grottoes.
I would live on a cloud.
I know clouds are just water vapor, but if I could have the power to live anywhere that I wanted, I might as well hone my amazing abilities and make clouds the texture of cotton balls and satin and happiness. I would peer down on all the small people rushing, relaxing, reflecting. The poor people wouldn't know what they're missing.

Friday, April 16, 2010







I just got back from babysitting. In other words, I spent two hours watching cheesy Disney channel sitcoms, pretending to understand a very congested 8-year old when she commented on the commercials.
After Hannah and I have out fill of laugh tracks and unrealistic plots, she craws upstairs into her bed. I obediently follow her as she leads me into her decked-out-in-pink-and-other-pastel-colors room. "This id mah Justin Bieber poster" she grins, pointing to the 16-year-old's overly photoshopped face. I nod, a little concerned that she's interested in someone twice her age.
I get up to leave the fluffy room, guessing that I would probably have to watch more Disney channel because of how impossible it was to figure out how to change the channel on their enormous and overly-complicated TV."Someone always sleeps wid me..." she quickly says, looking a me with pleading eyes. "Sometimes Versace sleeps with me, but she's sleeping with Christopher tonight."
"Wait, did she say her cat's name is Versace?"
"Want me to sleep with you?" I ask automatically. She nods, clutching her stuffed bear to her chest.
I flick off the lights and collapse onto the left side of the mattress. (Don't you think it's a little unnecessary for someone her size and age to have a full-sized bed? Then again, she's already in love with Justin Bieber.) "How long should it take her to fall asleep? Twenty minutes, maybe? Well, she did say that she was tired, so it might be sooner than that. Maybe I can go downstairs once she falls asleep and finish up that iCarly puzzle so her mom will think we did something productive." I bury my face into her plush Hello Kitty doll, only to get a cold, hard, plastic eye in my face. Ow.
I soon get into the rhythm of her color-changing night-light. My favorite is when the light turns red, making the entire room almost dark with its dim light, or lack thereof. Hannah's breathing soon gets steadier and deeper, but I don't find myself getting up out of her bed. Instead, I stare at her ceiling and ponder.
I wonder how many men Hannah's mom had slept with since she divorced her husband. From the number of different boyfriends of hers that I've seen each time I come to babysit, I'm guessing a lot.
I wonder if the rest of the year will be at least mildly interesting.
I wonder if she's right.
I wonder why I did it.
I begin to think deeper, but then Hannah begins to daintily snort. I then decide that it's about time to go downstairs to watch some cartoons. I can't stand snoring.

... by the way, I'm going to North Carolina for the next week, so if I'm not around that's why. :]


☀K☁

Thursday, April 8, 2010


I am enjoying the love I'm getting from the extraordinarily awesome Grace :]

So... 10 things I love. I'm going to skip over all of the obvious stuff, like my friends, family, whatever, etc. Not that I don't love them, but I'd rather make my list more unique to myself.

1. I love talking to telemarketers. I don't usually torture them, but I enjoy posing as my mom and participating in their surveys that people always make excuses not to take. I imagine being one of the only people to participate all day, and as I hang up they'd exclaim, "Yes! One down, 99 more to go to make this survey seem legit!"

2. I love finding music that makes me so happy I smile giddily to myself as I listen to it. I can only hope I'm not in public if a song like that shuffles onto my "now playing" screen.

3. I love to write. I think it's the only non-vital thing that I can do that actually comes as naturally as breathing. My brain can manage to string together words and phrases that actually don't sounds half-bad together (except for when it comes to expository essays. For those, I instinctively turn my creativity off and my smart-sounding-ness on, and wind up getting a shitty grade. Go figure).

4. I love running. Sure, I get a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach each day before practice, and I hate running fartleks and sprints and whatnot, and I make a really funny face when I really get running fast, but I'm actually not half bad at it. I couldn't be prouder of myself after a day of practice than if I got a B+ on a chemistry exam (which, believe me, is next to impossible).

5. I love roller coasters. I'm kind of a daredevil like that.

6. I love sleeping. Yeah, I'll admit that I'm lazy and pretty much always tired, but sleeping is an escape. It's opportunity to slip into unconsciousness and forget everything and everyone, at least for a few hours. When I die, I hope it's like a long, deep, warm, never-ending sleep.

7. I love going on adventures. They don't have to be to some exotic place, just to a new place. Or the place itself doesn't even need to be new; a walk down the street with a new person would be nice, too.

8. I love Nutella. Seriously, it's a gift from the gods of Hazelnuts.

9. I love skinny jeans. They're just so wonderful and... skinny. My favorite pair of skinny jeans was grabbed off of the sale rack randomly at the last minute because I was so sick of trying on jeans that a) squished my butt in and made me feel fat and b) were more expensive than I thought they were originally because someone had decided to put all of the jeans that were not on sale on the sale rack. I now can't go four days in a row without wearing them at least once (unless it's summer, obviously). Coincidence? I think not. The Gods of Skinny Jeans must love me as much as the gods of Hazelnuts do.

10. I love people. I could spend all day just looking at them walk by, each one thinking something, going somewhere, breathing, blinking. I'm bothered by the fact that I'll never get a chance to even look at the other 6 billion faces out there.

:]

So I tag...

Raven, Carly, Shalia, Meredith, Rhian, Emma, and Ariella! :]

If I forgot about you, you have permission to hunt me down and beat me with a stick (or just take the award anyway... I prefer the latter, though).


Monday, April 5, 2010

Well, I had a lovely weekend...













I gave Stephen Jerzak a hug :3

Boys Like Girls - "Five Minutes to Midnight"

[This was my first favorite song. You know, after the Raffi and Barney and all that]

☀K☁

beautiful

 
 
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