Thursday, September 16, 2010


I had such a strange day.

I felt so trapped, so conscious of the randomest things. I guess the proper way to describe it would be to say that I was "out of it."

I forgot to put on makeup this morning, and I finally let my bangs down. Perhaps that had something to do with it?

I wrote a poem in college writing:

Eight tiny lines are to be swallowed
standing still as can be
and with no bit of concern
they would float away from me
as silently as they came
with not a penny to their name
to keep them erect
and ready for a war
between a mother and a father
that had happened once before
when she had bit back her tongue
and nearly chocked on a lung
that was so brittle and pink
that she chose not to even think
about those eight tiny lines

I meant for it to be a nonsense poem, and I just chose random lines that I though would sound nice together. I suppose when you first look at it, the poem could be about divorce or something. But I didn't really mean for it to be like that. The study of literature and English can be so ridiculous sometimes, and I bet that at least one of the poems that I've read in my lifetime that so many people take as deep and meaningful could have started with the author writing random things with no thoughts about a meaning at all. Every fucking thing on this planet can be taken to be meaningful, just depending on how you look at it.

Anyways, when I volunteered to read it in class, I suddenly got really nervous. My voice cracked when I said "mother and father", and for a second it probably sounded like I was about to burst into tears. The class looked kind of shocked, so I played it off by clarifying that my voice had indeed cracked, and I wasn't really pouring my heart and soul out onto my piece of paper.

"Were those eight lines something someone had said?" Mr. Powers asked when I had finished. He looked a little concerned.

"No."

"Did you have any particular meaning in mind when you wrote this poem?"

"No. It's kind of a nonsense poem."

"I see," he said, looking pensive. "I liked your rhyming scheme."

Whatever.

For cross country practice, we ran down to the track to do a speed workout. I liked the rubbery feeling of track beneath my sneakers, and the plastic-y smell that lingered around the soccer field smelled like nervousness and exhaustion.

We ran four 1000-meter intervals with 400 meter jogs in-between. I did okay, guess. When we bean our mile cool-down jog, however, I was surged with all this energy. I sped up a little bit, and jogged with the front of the "pack" instead of in the back like I usually would. Everyone groaned about how exhausted they were, and how they couldn't wait to go home and "inhale a tub of ice cream." I, for one, didn't want to stop running. I suddenly felt this weird warmth enveloping me, and all of my muscles felt tender and loose.

"That's a runner's high," my friend, Louise, told me.

Huh.

I suppose I was running a little too fast, though, because some of the freshmen got lost in the woods. (It's all one big loop, how they could possibly get lost is beyond me.)

I was very disappointed when we had to stop running to stretch. My feet were still tingling, and I had a terrible urge to go run another mile.

I was confronted by the two captains after practice.

"Caroline, are you... okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You just seemed a little out of it during the stretches..." The way that they said it made me think that they suspected I was doing drugs or something.

I shrugged. I later asked Paige if she though that I had acted strange today. "I dunno, it just seemed like all day you knew this really big secret but you didn't want to tell anybody. You know, you had that sort of concerned look on your face."

And then, as soon as I hopped into my mom's car, I burst into tears.

Yeah, I don't know.

Voxtrot - "Wrecking Force"

[I.LOVE.THIS. The instrumentals at the end? AGH]

p.s. does anyone listen to my music recommendations? I know they couldn't possibly all appeal to anyone but me, but have I ever recommended a song to you that you absolutley adored? Please tell. :)

☀K☁

4 amusing musings:

Candy said...

RE: Haha,thanksss! :)

And oooh, a nonsense poem! Sort of like Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland, which is considered "literary nonsense" as the genre. :) I want to write a nonsense poem...

That Blond Guy said...

That is such a cool poem. And don't sweat it, because the best poems are nonsense poems. Often times, I read a poem that seems like a nonsense poem, and then I find out it's not--and I get really disappointed and all of a sudden I hate the poem.

I am familiar with the runner's high, and I can tell you this: it's better than any drug can give you. Not that I would know, of course. I'm just...guessing.

I DID listen to the song! It was awright--sounded a bit like the Smiths, even.

*Carly* said...

You never fail to make me think. I never get bored with reading about your day or what you're thinking. I love that. Your way of writing just captivates me. and yes, the song, Make It Through by Sherwood ended up being my song of the summer. It was the song I was listening to when I kissed a boy and the song that was playing from my car stereo when I went bridge jumping. so thank you for suggesting that song, and putting music to my memories:)

Kay said...

I love Lewis Caroll! Through the Looking Glass is one of my favorite books. And you should totally write a nonsense poem! I'll be looking forward to reading it :]

Thanks, blondie! Sometimes all one needs in life is a non-drug-induced-high, some the smiths-esque music, and a good 'ol nonsense poem or two.

CARLY YOUR COMMENTS MAKE ME SO HAPPY! I feel so special, just sitting here behind this computer screen like a hermit and making an impact on someone's life at the same time. :]

And I know that listening to certain songs really vividly bring back memories... I hope you listen to the song in the future long after you've forgotten about it and smile knowing how it went along with such happy moments in your life.

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