Monday, October 31, 2011

I know that I have to get up and catch the bus at 6:35, even if it's dark and cold. I know that I need to wear khaki pants and sneakers and ice is $1.69. Hi how are you good do you have a wellness card would you be interested in one ok I need to see a license would you like your receipt would you like a bag ok have a nice evening. I know The Beatles used to be The Quarrymen and I also know that Will's Abbey Road shirt is buried somewhere in my drawer. I know how to address and stamp a letter and send my worries away. I know that you don't really need to pay to get into the museum of natural history. I know that candy corn has honey in it. I know that the fastest I have ever run 5 kilometers was in 24 minutes and 7 seconds. I know how to load a film camera and not open the back and ruin everything.I know that the moon is waxing. I know that there are some things I will never know. I know that there are coyotes near my house and they like to howl at odd hours of the night and it sounds so eerie. I know that I don't have school until Thursday. Thursday is Thor's day. I know that CSI is on when I get home from school because sometimes I watch it but I usually miss the first half hour. I know where any given country is in Africa, or at least I used to. I know who you are or maybe I don't.

Tonight, instead of hanging out with friends, I worked until 9.

I guess this is what growing up feels like.


Saturday, October 29, 2011

It's October.

I'm snowed in.

I haven't left the house since Friday morning.

I'm lonely and sad.

I just want to go out and celebrate Halloween.


Sunday, October 23, 2011

He called me a bitch.


Saturday, October 22, 2011

Disappointment and turtlenecks and the word "ashamed" make me sad.

I had a good day today. Being a teenager is ok sometimes.


I couldn't find the source of those lovely photos :(

Thursday, October 20, 2011

I like writing letters and haphazardly cutting my hair.


Monday, October 10, 2011

We all live in a world dominated by apples.
Normally, this wouldn’t be much of a problem. Apples come in all different varieties: red, shiny, green, rotten, yellow, soft, small, large, bruised. Some apples are tastier than others. There are apples that are happy and there are apples that are sad; that’s just the way it is. Possessing any of these given traits doesn’t make an apple any less of an apple.
I’ve come to realize, actually, that I’m not an apple at all.
I’m a tangerine.
This isn’t a relatively new revelation. I’ve always had a feeling that I was different. Not good different, but not bad different, either. All fruits are good fruits: high in vitamin C and practical in the prevention of scurvy. Even the most rancid, moldy, overripe fruits make for ideal compost. Sure, it’s not every fruit’s dream, but in some ways it’s better than to have never been grown at all.
In a crowd of fruit the color of autumn leaves, I’m hard to distinguish. I can fit in the palm of your hand, and there’s usually another taller apple stationed in front of me. When I first learned of my identity, I felt as if I were at a disadvantage. I would hide in the crowd of apples. I wanted more than anything to be one. I laid low and observed them like a lonely birdwatcher. I pasted apple skin onto my orange rind, often in mismatched patches. They would brown and peel and eventually fall off. The scattered pieces on the floor served as a sad reminder that never, in my life, could I be like the others. The harder I tried, the less I felt like I belonged. My self-esteem plummeted. I was alone.
Such disheartening thoughts fetter one’s personality.
Upon later reflection, I eventually learned that being a tangerine has its benefits. Apples are often outspoken; I, however, am a quiet observer. I studied the apples and observed their nature like Jane Goodall attempting to mingle with the chimpanzees. It took me many years to befriend the apples, but I was patient. My tangerine nature allowed me to excel in school and take in the world around me in a way unique to everyone else.
I never did become an apple, as I had once hoped. And I’m glad. I have the best of both worlds. I mingle with apples (among all kinds of other fruit) and still retain my tangerine qualities. Aside from an orange rind and fleshy interior, I am still a quiet observer. I take the world in little bits at a time, and this has allowed me to become an artist of both words and images.


P.S. This is my unfinished college application essay. Whadaya think? :)

Sunday, October 2, 2011

This song makes me so happy.



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