Monday, December 17, 2012

I drove 40 minutes in the gray rain. The wheel felt cold in my hands.

Exit 57, 58, 59.

He took me to get coffee. I saw his hand shake as he reached for his, just as I saw it shake in the dusty summer air almost half a year ago.

We stood in the rain and he kissed me.

It was careful and loving and the way I had always imagined a kiss to feel.

He cupped my hand in his and I told him that I'm glad things are different.

Exit 48, 47, 46.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

I'm sorry I haven't been writing.

I came home on a train today.

I've been keeping my thoughts in a little notebook. I'll probably scan some pages sometime soon so you can all see my raw thoughts.

I've changed a lot in the past month or so.

Will and I haven't really spoken.

I feel as if I have to change my beliefs. I've been inclined to be less trusting. Less outgoing. Less happy, if only just for now.

I'm driving to New Haven tomorrow morning to see my friend.

I hope he kisses me.

I was in the an empty library yesterday afternoon when I heard about Sandy Hook.

I've lived in the town adjacent to Newtown my entire life.

We shared a home.

The children went to the creamery I used to frequent after school. They went to my grocery store.

We paced the same aisles, knew the same parks, the same streets.

My mom asked me if I wanted to go to church tomorrow. I said no.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

The other night I found out that he had been cheating on me since September.

Weirdly, I think I'm going to be ok.


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