Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Chris is breaking my heart. I'm going to stop talking to him for real this time.

Sunday night I went to a party and got drunk for the fourth night in a row. I put on a black dress, boots and eyeliner and I think I looked really nice.

It was hot and crowded and everything was tinted purple. I met a cute sophomore boy with nice teeth wearing a suit and sneakers. His voice was kind of nasal-y, which I found endearing. We kissed with a bunch of other people around and he told me that I was sexy. "Sexy" feels like a really genuine compliment.

He took me back to his dorm and we had sex on his lofted bed. I think I told him at some point that he was a really good kisser. He was cuddly and easy to talk to and it was nice.

College is doing good things to my self-esteem.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I always get really paranoid and self-conscious when I'm high around people that I'm not very close with.

I do it anyway because I like the soft hum in my bones and the way my body feels all heavy.

I drunk called Chris on Saturday night and told him that I think I may have fallen a little bit in love with him.

He was drunk too and apologized profusely for letting me down. Still, I don't think he cares about me the way he used to. He hasn't spoken to me since.

I wonder a lot about whether he's thinking about me.

I still listen to his radio show every Friday. He told me once that he keeps me in mind whenever he makes the playlists for it. I hope he still does that.

Monday, February 4, 2013

roads off the side of the highway

where do they go?
My roommate is talking pictures of things with an old polaroid camera.

I bought a box of cap'n crunch today for $6.59.

I have kissed four different boys this semester, I think.

I have a little star-shaped stud in my nose.

On Friday I took molly with some of my friends and went to a concert. I felt really energetic and happy and life seemed really good for a little while. I didn't want to kiss anybody, and I felt really happy for everyone who was having a good time. The music was ok.

Afterwards I went with some friends to a bar. I think I prevented a fight from breaking out between my friend and this other guy but I'm not sure.

My roommate never really cleans anything and it kind of bothers me.

On Saturday I went to a party. I think it was that night that I started to realize that this "drunk crush" I have on a boy might be a sober one too and I'm angry with myself for it. I slept with him once before winter break, and apparently this happens with all the girls he sleeps with. They all end up "falling" for him or whatever.

He kissed me once at the party. I kept trying to flirt with him I think. I don't really know how to "flirt" now that I think about it.

After the party, two of my friends and I went back to campus and smoked weed out of a bubbler on a picnic table covered in frost. We got a phone call from him around 3. He broke into his history classroom and was trying to break the projector because he (somehow) thought that it was recording him and that he was going to get kicked out of school. We walked all the way to central campus to "rescue" him.

It was a fun night.


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