Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Last night Natasha drove an hour or so out to see with me while I'm still home. We went to get burritos and drove to the beach and talked and smoked on a picnic table as we watched the sky darken over the sound. Smoke rolled out the windows as we drove to our nearby hookah lounge, Channel Orange playing somewhere in the background. Spending time with friends is important.

I'm still sad about Ryan and I feel like I have all this sadness but no way to express it, to get it out in the open. It's stuck inside me and I don't think I've been this unable to articulate in a very long time. It feels stupid to say, I'm so lonely for somebody. It's an awful longing that I'm not used to, and I really don't like it. It reminds me of a place I never wanted to be again, but here I am.

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